NF - Mansion

Insidious is blind inception; What's reality with all these questions? Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in, Slept in

Broken legs, but I chase perfection, These walls are my blank expression, My mind is a home I'm trapped in, And it's lonely inside this mansion...

Yo, my mind is a house with walls, covered in lyrics, They're all over the place, there's songs in the mirrors, Written all over the floors, all over the chairs

And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs, That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release, And let out the version of NF you don't wanna see

I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed, You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me, Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't wanna be in

That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't wanna see it, And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't wanna see 'em, But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em

I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around, Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground, Matter of fact, I think I'ma burn this room right now

Somehow, this memory, for some reason, just won't burn down, You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes

Then took me downstairs and beat me 'til I screamed, and I cried, Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind, But I'ma keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside

Yo, my mind is a house with walls, covered in pain, See, my problem is, I don't fix things, I just try to repaint, Cover 'em up, like it never happened, say, "I wish I could change"

Are you confused? Come upstairs and I'll show you what I mean, This room's full of regrets, it just keeps getting fuller, it seems

The moment I walk into, it's the same moment that I wanna leave, I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things, But it's hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep

I look around, one of the worst things I wrote on these walls, Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom, One of the first things I wrote was, "I wish I woulda called"

But I should just stop now, we ain't got enough room in this song, And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am, And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can

Shrug it off like it ain't nothing, like it's out of my hands, Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans, And I regret watchin' these trust issues eat me alive

And at the rate I'm goin', they'll probably still be there when I die, Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind, The question is, will I ever clean the walls off in time?

So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years, I built a safe room and I don't let no one in there, 'Cause if I do, there's a chance that they might disappear

And not come back, and I admit, I am emotionally scared, To let anyone inside, so I just leave my doors locked, You might get other doors to open up, but this door's not

'Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me, And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me, I'm barricaded inside, so stop watchin'

I'm not coming to the door, so stop knockin', stop knockin', I'm trapped here, God keeps saying I'm not locked in, I chose this, I am lost in my own conscience

I know that shuttin' the world out ain't solvin' the problem, But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve 'em, I built it because I thought that it was safer in there

But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's livin' in here, Fear came to my house years ago, I let him in, Maybe that's the problem, 'cause I've been dealing with this ever since

I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious, he never did, He must have picked a room and got comfortable and settled in, Now I'm in a position, it's either sit here and let 'em win

Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can, 'Cause in order to do that, I'd have to open the doors, Is that me or the fear talking? I don't know anymore

It's lonely

Oh, yeah, it's lonely

Inside this mansion

This song came across my radio, and the lyrics hit me like a ton of feathers….

I have a set of tattoos, top one is a fractal geometry representation of a triple helix DNA, right beneath it is a breakdown of a RNA (one strand of DNA). It represents the fact that we all wear 3 masks, one for the general world, one for our close friends/family, and one that we never let ANYONE see, if you were to take a look at any individual, it looks perfectly normal, but all combined, we are a complex mess. This song is rapping about that mask we hide away….it hits because I am now coming to terms with and dealing with not masking anymore.

Hope ya enjoy.